Because It Was You, That You Lost Me

The days I thought I couldn’t live without you.

I thought maybe if I go a few days without talking to you, maybe you’d miss me.

Maybe you’d come calling me for me.

I’d leave time and time again but I never witnessed the fight I expected.

What I received was silence.

Silence.

No words.

No signs.

Nothing.

I used to think that maybe I didn’t give you what you wanted and that’s why you ran from me.

Maybe you wanted me to show you affection like all the other girls did.

And I did, but to an extent.

I respected you for that, but I never respected you for the way you treated me.

I refused to put a label on what we both knew was ‘love’.

Was it love if what I wanted us to be never crossed your mind at all?

If four years taught me anything, it was that time allows you to understand who you have become and what you deserve.

For years I thought without you, there was no me.

But I was so wrong.

All the words you wasted on me and all the signs you refused to see.

Even when I tried so hard to walk away, you played the perfect game and you pulled me back.

And then the days came when you began trying to win the heart you’d already broken.

It was me that put the pieces back together again.

I pitied you for a while but not for the reasons I should have.

And then I realized I needed to stop blaming myself.

Apart from my naivety, it was you all along.

I was sad because I thought I lost you, but I learn not long ago, maybe deep down I was sad for you because it was you that lost me.